*SIGH*
The more I think about the chance to adopt a little one and give them a life they wouldn't otherwise have, the more I'm starting to feel like this is the path God wants for me. I mean seriously how many women grow up with a fear they can't have children, especially when that doesn't run in the family? It's been almost 2 years since Kyle and I got married. That's 2 years of unprotected sex (and 2 years since my period/ovulation cycle has been almost non-existent).
And while I am PERFECTLY fine with the thought of adopting (minus the sadness that I would miss out on being pregnant and feeling a life grow inside of me) I can't help but sigh. Every time I share this idea with someone, I get responses ranging from "adoption isn't easy" to "don't give up yet". Yes I get it, having a baby naturally may be "easier". And yes, I might miss out on first steps/first words since we'd most likely go the foster-to-adopt route. But part of me wonders if coming to terms with the fact that THIS may be God's plan for me is really "giving up". Part of me wonders if adoption might be the right path for me EVEN IF we conceive a child naturally.
NOTHING about adoption would be easy, especially if we foster-to-adopt. There will be waiting. We will more than likely end up getting attached to a kid who is then reunited with their parents/other relatives before the adoption process is complete. There will be emotional issues of abandonment to deal with. But who wouldn't want the opportunity to change a child's life? Who wouldn't want to give a child who feels abandoned a sense of security? Is it really so hard for people to understand you can love a child who's not biologically yours JUST AS MUCH as one you give birth to?
For now I guess we'll wait. Wait to see what happens. Wait to see if the pills work. Wait to see if my ovulation cycle can be repaired. That is after all why I started this weight loss journey. But that's it. I'm not doing drug treatments or implanting eggs. If God wanted me to give birth, it'd happen. I was already hesitant about the pills because it felt like I was taking it into my own hands. I won't do that again.
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I have one natural child. I love her, she's great.
ReplyDeleteBut I know I could love a foster or adopted child just as much. People nag me ALL THE TIME about having another child (she's almost 5 years old). I just don't feel compelled to have another natural child. A foster child would be difficult because you are taking on a lot of additional baggage in terms of past abuse and whatnot. And I work full-time, so I don't think that's an "ideal" situation in which to take in a foster child since they likely need more one-on-one work. But adopting definitely could be do-able. The coolest part of parenting is seeing the child learn to connect the dots and see that light bulb go off. The coolest part is definitely NOT seeing yourself in your kid (or maybe I need to be more vain about that).
If you're interested, you might want to check out communities devoted to adoption and foster care.
Don't give up the natural way unless you want to, but I think you can be a very fulfilled parent even if you adopt or become a foster parent.
I completely understand where you are coming from and I think it's wonderful that you are considering fostering/adopting. My husband and I went to a meeting to become foster parents just a few weeks ago. At first, I wasn't sure if I was just trying to fill the void of our miscarriage, but the more I prayed and the more I began seeking God's answer, the more at peace I felt. I too have the adoption conviction. There are times I look at my nieces and nephews and long for that natural child, but I've had to accept the fact that may not be God's plan! We too, are going to continue to try to conceive when we are ready, and if it's in God's perfect plan it will happen!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you are at this place because you are so right, it will be hard, but it would be completely worth it. There are so many kids out there just dying for a family. I read some statistics that said if just 3% of the professed Christians in the world would adopt a child, there would be no more orphans. That was just staggering to me!
Okay, sorry so long!! :)
Hi! I just checked out your blog from Holly's. I just wanted to comment on this post. I have an adopted son, and also heard the comments when we excitedly told people: "don't you want kids of your own?" "I know being pregnant is what you REALLY wanted..." etc. My answer was always "what we REALLY want is to be parents, and this is how we believe God wants us to get there." Let me tell you, the adoption process is hard. Emotionally draining. There is a lot of work involved. People have no idea. My suggestion for you, if you choose this path is to have an answer ready... one that isn't snarkey or sarcastic but is your mantra. God bless you as you venture down this path! I love your blog!
ReplyDeleteIt's so nice to be able to find support for the personal issues like this that I'm facing and not just the weight loss/health aspect of my life. I know the foster-to-adopt path would NOT be an easy one to travel and I don't even know for sure at this point it's where I'm suppose to go. All I know is I have a strange sense of peace considering it as an option I'd never really given thought to. I guess only time will tell.
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