The more I think about the chance to adopt a little one and give them a life they wouldn't otherwise have, the more I'm starting to feel like this is the path God wants for me. I mean seriously how many women grow up with a fear they can't have children, especially when that doesn't run in the family? It's been almost 2 years since Kyle and I got married. That's 2 years of unprotected sex (and 2 years since my period/ovulation cycle has been almost non-existent).
And while I am PERFECTLY fine with the thought of adopting (minus the sadness that I would miss out on being pregnant and feeling a life grow inside of me) I can't help but sigh. Every time I share this idea with someone, I get responses ranging from "adoption isn't easy" to "don't give up yet". Yes I get it, having a baby naturally may be "easier". And yes, I might miss out on first steps/first words since we'd most likely go the foster-to-adopt route. But part of me wonders if coming to terms with the fact that THIS may be God's plan for me is really "giving up". Part of me wonders if adoption might be the right path for me EVEN IF we conceive a child naturally.
NOTHING about adoption would be easy, especially if we foster-to-adopt. There will be waiting. We will more than likely end up getting attached to a kid who is then reunited with their parents/other relatives before the adoption process is complete. There will be emotional issues of abandonment to deal with. But who wouldn't want the opportunity to change a child's life? Who wouldn't want to give a child who feels abandoned a sense of security? Is it really so hard for people to understand you can love a child who's not biologically yours JUST AS MUCH as one you give birth to?
For now I guess we'll wait. Wait to see what happens. Wait to see if the pills work. Wait to see if my ovulation cycle can be repaired. That is after all why I started this weight loss journey. But that's it. I'm not doing drug treatments or implanting eggs. If God wanted me to give birth, it'd happen. I was already hesitant about the pills because it felt like I was taking it into my own hands. I won't do that again.